Originally published on Jan 9, 2013 on trulysu.blogspot.in
|At Marina Bay Sands Singapore|
I was heart broken, ready to quit my job, ready to just curl up under a blanket and sleep for the rest of my life. I couldn’t envision a future for myself, constantly questioned my past and I certainly didn’t know how to deal with the present. The only thing my gut told me was leave. And I went to Singapore. I promised myself that I would not get on to Facebook or chat with anybody from back home while I was there because I needed every bit of space to get back on my feet.
My days in Singapore were the most empty days that I ever had. I would wake up post noon, have lunch for over an hour while watching TV, then I would take a nap, wake up and shower and then go explore the city. Usually I’m a very organized person when it comes to travel; I research about the tourist attractions, the things to do, the history of the place, the costs for each of them and make an extensive itinerary. This time I hadn’t done any research and didn’t have any itinerary. Which was kind of liberating. I was free to go where I wanted with a blank mind. I went to the Marina Bay Sands, visited the casino there (my first casino experience ever!), chilled at the Sentosa beach at 10 pm, drank at the East Coast Park beach until 6 am and watched the sun rise, went to a dance bar (my first experience with this too!), tried different cuisines- all of which I have never done in India and probably won’t ever get to do.
My most memorable experience was the day that I spent on Sentosa Island by myself. One afternoon I just took off to the island with nothing except money, phone and camera. For the longest time I sat at the beach cafe where I had stopped to eat a hot dog. I just sat there doing nothing but watching the water. Water brings a certain sense of calm to me and I was there soaking it all in without interruption. I watched people enjoying the water too and just being with their loved ones. That evening was the best I had had.
You know, when you have space around you, you should really use it. I was forced out of a future I held very dear to me but then I asked myself, was this who my parents raised? I couldn’t just give up without a fight. I refused to disappoint myself. And that’s when my upward climb began. As my day to leave Singapore came close, I had to pick up the pieces and make it into something. But I couldn’t think of anything. So I decided to take life one day at a time just like did in Singapore. No thinking about the future became my mantra. Six months was the time I gave myself do something before I pack up and leave my hometown. I gave these six months my all- days, nights, sweat, blood, brains, focus, tears. I taught myself coding, I learned to play the drums, I taught children English and to build kaleidoscopes, and best of all, I started learning Kathak. I drowned myself in all this because I didn’t know what to do. And it paid off in many ways. At work I earned respect and got promoted; At the school I felt good about the love I was getting from children; At dance I re-built my feminine-ness. Ofcourse for the first couple of months I was still an emotional wreck but slowly I started loving myself again the way I never did before.
This day last year I was in Singapore with a blank mind. Today I am here being the best I can be.
Be the best you can be. –Sunayana Sen