The other day my friend and I were talking and the topic of our ‘love life’ came up, like it does in almost all conversations I have with my counterparts these days. That Aunties and Uncles would ask regularly about this was a given. But what surprises me is that my friends and counterparts bring this up every so often.
“So… any boy in your life?”
“So… are you dating anybody?”
“Any plans for marriage?”
“<Some topic>…this is where having a boyfriend helps.”
“You’re going to study which is awesome! And what about marriage?”
↑ These questions sound like what Aunties and Uncles would typically ask, but these are actually questions / comments I’ve gotten from peers!
Being on the other side of 25 doesn’t normally get to me. Like I don’t feel any self-induced pressure about ‘running out of time’. Neither do my parents bring up the you-are-25-so-time-to-get-married conversation. So I go about life normally. I do what I need to do, stay healthy, improve my skills, do interesting things, etc etc. The only time I feel like I’m on the bad side of 20s is when my peers bring up dating/marriage. It’s like a periodic check-in. Every few weeks I get this question from the same person. Like I don’t understand, am I going shopping for men that my have-a-boyfriend status will change in two weeks? And it’s hella confusing! When my close friends bring it up I know it’s because they care about me. But when others ask me about this, I’m like ‘Why?!’ If it’s a girl – are you asking me this just to know you have somebody to empathise with? If you’re a boy – are you asking me this to know if I’m available? I don’t understand the purpose of this question!
When I announced that I’m going back to college, quite a few conversations went like this –
Person: “Hey! Congratulations! Saw your status. Where to?”
Me: “Thank you! Going to UK. Have offers from colleges but yet to finalize which one I’ll take.”
Person: “Oh okay. So what about marriage?”
What the logic be yo?!
But sometimes it’s super entertaining also, especially when it comes to my besties. They get super excited about my love life. Fun fact: 3 of my besties decide what I wear on a first date and are also on standby if I need to be rescued. If they had their own transport / were in Hyderabad, I bet they’d come along and sit there discreetly. And yes, a full analysis happens after the date. As I was typing this I realized maybe that’s the reason I’m single 😐 But well, friends before whatever else! Anyway, the point I was making was that these girls are insanely excited about seeing me with someone. Here are some conversations that happen around this over the phone or chat –
Bestie1: “So… any ‘news’?”
Me: “Yeah, I got acceptances from colleges!”
Bestie1: “Yay! <Some exciting chatter> So… any other news?”
Me: “Umm, my parents are going away for 2 weeks.”
Bestie1: “Oh okay. So what about boy X? What’s going on there?”
Bestie1: “Okay. Any other boy?”
Bestie1: “Okay you have to tell me if there’s someone in your life! Don’t forget!”
Me: “Yo. New crush.”
Bestie2: “OOOOOOOOH! Yaaaaay! WHO?! Tell! I don’t know why I’m so much more excited about this than you!”
Me: “Exactly!” <I mention the name>
<5 minutes later>
Bestie2: “He looks interesting!” (Basically, she’s done the initial stalking and approves!)
To conclude, everybody’s love life is interesting and as a society we take particular interest (or maybe solace) in others’ love lives. Once you cross a certain age and you start seeing wedding announcements dropping like flies, it’s very normal to wonder a whole bunch of things. It’s even more normal to seek out other people who’re in the same boat as you. But you can’t let that determine your own life decisions.
Yes, I’m single. And no, that’s not a problem. Yes, I’m open to love. But no, it’s not going to be determined by my age.